10 Tips to Survive a Tough Breakup

Broken Heart

Breaking up is hard whether you did the breaking up or not. Here are some tips to help you get through it.

 

  1. Create a new play list.

Music is so important at times like this. Choose positive, empowering, happy songs and listen often.

  1. Change your ring tone and either change or turn off notifications.

We become like Pavlov’s dogs. After hearing the sound of a bell just before being fed, for a time, the sound of the bell made them salivate even if no food was given to them. It’s the same with us. We hear our phone ring and we anticipate that it’s our partner. Switch it up.

  1. Avoid excessive alcohol

You are already in a delicate state and it’s easier to make bad decisions when drunk. Plus, alcohol is a depressant.

  1. Keep sweets and junk away

Don’t drown your sorrows in a tub of ice cream or a party size bag of chips. A little, good quality chocolate is fine.

  1. Let your friends know you need them

Let your friends know when you need to vent or if you need a hug or a shoulder to cry on. Friends are there for the good times and the bad. Ask them to contact you more often for the next while. Go out together and get out of the house. Also, a parent can be there to listen and give you a hug no matter what your age.

  1. Start ‘morning pages’ or a journal

When you wake up give yourself some time to write down your feelings, your thoughts. Don’t filter it. If you want to swear, go ahead. Getting it out before your start your day clears your head and you will be able to concentrate more on the things that are relevant to your day. Kids, work, etc. After all this heartache has passed, burn it and let it go.

  1. Clean

Clean out a closet, your spices, sort through clothes to donate, wash your windows, do yard work, paint a room. You will feel a sense of accomplishment and something will get done while having focused on something else.

  1. Get outside

Get into the sun and feel it’s warmth. Listen to the birds, look at the green of the trees, listen to the waves, breathe deeply and pet someone’s dog. If its winter go for a brisk walk in the cold air, breathe it in, feel it on your skin. Snowshoeing, skiing, snowboarding, hiking and even tobogganing are fun winter activities that will get you focusing on something else.

  1. Get Physical

Go for a run, a bike ride, a long walk, try yoga, just pick something and get the energy moving again. If you feel a wave of sadness coming do jumping jacks, run on the spot or get the skipping rope out until it subsides.

  1. Make appointments for yourself

Go the hair salon, the nail salon, get a massage, go to the dentist. These are things that take care of you and make you feel better.

Give yourself a few weeks to be you again. This is a process and will take some time. It’s different for everyone. Just remember that you are the most important person in your life and allow yourself the time you need to heal. I promise it will get better each day.

Do you have any tips to add?

 

*Photo by Stuart Miles, from http://www.freedigitalphotos.net

 

 

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Sex Talk Alert: How to go down on a woman

Every man needs to have this skill if they are interested in bringing their lady to a higher level on the satisfaction scale.

Although, I found that this writer uses unnecessary slang vocabulary (some may consider it, somewhat, vulgar) and can easily offend if you linger too long on the words, if you can look past that, the points are descriptive and excellent. For those men that have never been quite sure what to do down there, this will help tremendously and for those women that are still trying to figure out what they like and how they like it, this will help you in directing your man to try some things. Most guys actually like being directed because it turns them on when they know they have turned you on. How simple it is to please….

http://ow.ly/AKOV7

 

Dad’s can struggle with ‘empty nest’ syndrome too!

Facebook example

Martin’s daughter, Jane, is a tween and is heading to Europe for a month. He is a very committed father and she is his little princess. He uses Facebook to share his feelings and his friends leave comments of support that help get him past that moment of missing her.

Single dad’s that are missing their kids, express how they feel when their only child has left the ‘nest’ for an extended period of time or to start their own lives. It’s especially noticeable when there is one child. All parents know its coming. The day our kids leave to travel, go to college or move out for good and carve out a place in the world for themselves.

Marcus, a dad who’s son, Jake, went off to university last fall says “It makes me feel so very proud and a little sad.” When your child leaves, the rhythm of our daily routine gets shaken up. We have gotten so used to providing, protecting and guiding that it just seems so odd not to have to do that every day anymore. It was heart-warming to hear Marcus describe how he is missing his son who has gone off to college. The distance is within a 2 hour drive, so in a pinch, he can go to visit. But the lack of the day to day interaction is really felt. The good thing said Marcus, is that before Jake left, he was spending more time with his girlfriend, so it was easing him into it in a way.

Then he found that making plans to see each other at sport competitions that Jake was involved in helped. They sometimes plan to meet half way to grab a bite to eat and might go fishing later in the summer. Marcus says “I enjoy my time with him, have fun while he is away, and look forward to the next get together.”

In the meantime, he keeps busy with work, playing volleyball with friends and chores. But the bottom line is that he is very proud and is enjoying seeing him grow and mature, even with the empty or ‘something is missing’ feeling.

Have you felt that way? What did you do to make it easier?

 

Interview: Mindset of the ‘other woman’

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There are many reasons why someone would sleep with someone’s spouse or partner. In reality, the onus falls on the person that has made a commitment to another. If someone stripped down naked and said ‘do me’, you always have the choice to say ‘thanks, but no thanks.’

Patricia is single, 40-something, divorced. She has slept with married men and has no problem with that. She is an average women.

She doesn’t want to steal your husband. She doesn’t want a relationship. But she does want sex. She feels an attraction to him and lets him know by flirting and throwing out suggestive comments in casual conversation. If he looks interested, she will escalate the sexual conversation. At any point he can shut her down and that’s fine. She says ‘Why would you want to sleep with someone that isn’t interested in the same thing? The sex, at best, will be barely mediocre.’

MTM- How do you pick the guys that you will pursue or select the one’s that pursue you?

Patricia- Most often I will meet them online. If I’m initially attracted to their profile and picture, I will contact them. Then meet them briefly to see if there is mutual attraction in person. That feeling of getting butterflies in your stomach, the excitement is wonderful. Typically I’m attracted to younger men. Many like older women because they know what they like, they are confident and there is so much less drama. Men want you to tell them how they can please you. They love knowing that they were responsible for your explosive orgasm.

MTM- What is the youngest that has been interested in having sex with you?

Patricia- I think early 20’s. But I was not interested in being a ‘teacher’. I want to be with someone that knows his way around a woman so it didn’t go anywhere. I got many requests from guys 15 -20 years younger. I think it’s a ‘thing’ with them. I find it a waste of time and effort to go that young. Plus, if there is any conversation, it would be more annoying than anything.

MTM- What is the conversation like when you first meet? How long is the meeting?

Patricia- The initial meeting is likely less than it takes to have a cup of coffee. We might talk about general interests, how we are feeling around each other, what we are thinking that we might want to do to each other in that moment. We have probably covered most of what we would like to try in texts or emails. So, we might talk about schedules or locations if the attraction is there. We will kiss. That is very important because if their kissing doesn’t do anything for you, there is no point in taking it further.

MTM- Does it bother you at all if they are already in a relationship or marriage?

Patricia- I prefer men in relationships because that reduces the possibility of me getting in a relationship. I don’t want to be tied down right now. Their life outside of ‘us’ has nothing to do with me so I don’t ask for any details. Even their name is irrelevant. I’m just looking for someone to have great sex with once or twice per week. I don’t care about his other relationships, if he has kids or what he does for a living as long as he is willing to pay for a hotel room occasionally. But a car or secluded place is fine too. I won’t bring them to my place for privacy reasons.

MTM- Are you concerned about STD’s or pregnancy?

Patricia- Condoms are a must. I’m not on the pill anymore so I do worry about the condom breaking. It’s happened and it did cause some stress for a time until I found that everything was fine. I will have checks for STD’s several times a year just in case something slips through or sooner if I think something is ‘off’ with my body. It’s important to know yourself and what is normal for you.

MTM- Aren’t you worried that you might fall in love with someone that you can’t have?

Patricia- I’m realistic about that. It’s possible I guess, but I curb the feelings and thoughts that may bring me to that place. I’m not interested in being in a relationship. In the future, when I’m ready again, my dating choices will be different. Also, I’m not naive enough to even consider that a married man will leave his wife for someone he met to have sex with. The criteria for each can be so different.

The impression I got through our discussion was that she is in it for herself. She is selfish. She feels that your relationship isn’t her problem and you have to agree. It’s your problem. She is confident and knows what she wants out of meeting your husband. The initial emails and texts discuss the hope of physical attraction, what they are interested in doing, butterflies, and where to meet. She is exploring her sexuality and that’s her only goal. She doesn’t care how many kids he has or his miserable relationship with this wife. She doesn’t care what he does or even what his name is, to be blunt. If she meets him for coffee she will know within minutes if they will have sex, if there is mutual attraction. It really doesn’t matter where, a car, a beach, a motel… You can use your imagination, which is good, because you can be that woman (or man) to your partner. Arrange a meeting with your partner and discuss mainly sex topics. “Have you tried this?” “Would you like to try that?” “Are you open to this?” Trust and a non-judgmental environment is critical. Alcohol does not need to be involved, but one drink might help relax you. More can diminish your experience.

The interview with Patricia is based on a conversation I had with a woman I met a few years ago and was shocked by it at the time. The shock has now subsided. She is now in a monogamous relationship with a single man. Life continues to evolve.
photo credit: gail m tang via photopin cc

So scared, I want to throw up….

I just found out today that the long awaited trip to Europe is a go for my teen. Eighteen days away in a country were she understands very little of the language. [sigh] Flashes of the news about #MH17 go through my mind. I’m trying to keep from throwing up. This is something I have to deal with without her knowledge. I’m terrified right now but I don’t want to let her know. She is so happy to go and she is going with her grandmother. It will be a really special trip for both of them. I know this. Logically, it all makes sense. Sounds wonderful.

It’s just that I’m finding it hard to be excited right now. The “what if’s” are driving me insane. The crazy traffic. The crazy boys. Swimming in the sea. The flight at 30,000 ft and over a big ocean. [breathe] And this is coming from someone who loves to travel! Jeeze! I won’t see her for a few days so I have time to collect myself. I will have to work hard on that.

[focus on the positives]

The cultural immersion. Her grandmother taking such pleasure in showing her off to family and friends. The time they will spend together exchanging ideas and stories. The independence she will gain traveling back on her own. She will have grown so much in that time. It’s happened every time she has gone away. Even when it was just for three days. It is hard for parents to let them go when these moments in time come along and this certainly isn’t the first one. We had a similar experience when she was almost four and wanted to go down the bunny hill on her own. She fought me when I said “No.” knowing full well she couldn’t stop. She freaked out to be let loose. I, frustrated and angry, said “Fine, go ahead.” Well, she didn’t slow down. She hit a bench to stop at the bottom and tears ensued. I felt like I was a terrible mother, that I had made a mistake. But the following week we went out again and she had learned something. She had learned to stop.

This time is similar.

[I will keep telling myself that]

I look forward to seeing her a little more grown up when she gets back. [breathe….]

Do you have any coping mechanisms to help with letting your kids go? Please leave a comment I can use all the help I can get right now. Lol.

 

Couples that put on the ‘we’re happy’ show

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This has been a pet peeve of mine from the time I realized that I wasn’t happy in my relationship. I asked myself “Why would people stay in a relationship that is unfulfilling?” I, granted, stayed in mine well past the ‘best before date’. My, very valid, excuse was that I wanted to give us an opportunity to fix things. This had to happen over a matter of time. Like two years…. I guessed. Not much changed over the two years. Well, my perspective on it changed.

My mom, even today, was talking about her ‘uneducated’ friend that has children in their 40’s that are still with their spouses. Apparently, she taught them well. The silent comments that I heard in my head was “Why couldn’t you keep it together?” “Where did I fail as a mother?” Blah, blah, blah.

She and my father have been together for over 45 yrs. They wear it like a badge of honour. In my personal opinion, it’s a horrible marriage. No respect for each other. Yelling, Arguing. Swearing. But this is their dance. They know the music. They know the dance steps. I never wanted anything like that and I never had that. By all accounts my hubby was a really nice guy. Very respectful. An awesome dad. A gentleman. But he had other flaws. When you think to yourself “If I have to do this for another 20 years, I’m going to slit my wrists.” you know you should probably move on. Of course, I would never do that. So instead, I moved on. Now comes the process of recreating my life. It’s exciting, scary, exhausting, lonely at times but the right thing for me. This part is hard but giving birth taught me that we are tougher than we could ever imagine. The future will be amazing and I can’t wait for this second part of my life! (I’m having a déjà vu.)

Now back to trying to understand the couples that stay in a miserable or benign marriage and don’t try to make it better. They just plod through each day. Same old, same old. I would bet a huge percentage will be visiting Ashley Madison or Plenty of Fish. Those sites are bursting at the seams with ‘nice people’ that you would never imagine would go outside of their relationships. (mixed in with some strange people too) Their friends and family could not, in a million years, believe that they did. So, do you think that it’s ok to do that if it is discrete and your marriage stays intact? Everyone continues to see you as a wonderful, happy couple. After all, separations are emotional, expensive, exhausting, hard for everyone… a lot of work. And then, who knows who you will end up with? So many unknowns. It’s scary. But is living a lie realistic for the long haul? It’s a decision each person has to make on their own considering their goals, priorities and values.

BTW, I interviewed some of these people (men and women) and they were all very sad and hurting individuals, when it came right down to it. Going to those sites was a desperate measure they would have preferred not to have to take. #notcondoningit

Also, I purposely did not link to those sites as I don’t want you going there through my blog. If you want to go there, it won’t be because I made it easier for you. 🙂

 
photo credit: seligr via photopin cc