10 Tips to Survive a Tough Breakup

Broken Heart

Breaking up is hard whether you did the breaking up or not. Here are some tips to help you get through it.

 

  1. Create a new play list.

Music is so important at times like this. Choose positive, empowering, happy songs and listen often.

  1. Change your ring tone and either change or turn off notifications.

We become like Pavlov’s dogs. After hearing the sound of a bell just before being fed, for a time, the sound of the bell made them salivate even if no food was given to them. It’s the same with us. We hear our phone ring and we anticipate that it’s our partner. Switch it up.

  1. Avoid excessive alcohol

You are already in a delicate state and it’s easier to make bad decisions when drunk. Plus, alcohol is a depressant.

  1. Keep sweets and junk away

Don’t drown your sorrows in a tub of ice cream or a party size bag of chips. A little, good quality chocolate is fine.

  1. Let your friends know you need them

Let your friends know when you need to vent or if you need a hug or a shoulder to cry on. Friends are there for the good times and the bad. Ask them to contact you more often for the next while. Go out together and get out of the house. Also, a parent can be there to listen and give you a hug no matter what your age.

  1. Start ‘morning pages’ or a journal

When you wake up give yourself some time to write down your feelings, your thoughts. Don’t filter it. If you want to swear, go ahead. Getting it out before your start your day clears your head and you will be able to concentrate more on the things that are relevant to your day. Kids, work, etc. After all this heartache has passed, burn it and let it go.

  1. Clean

Clean out a closet, your spices, sort through clothes to donate, wash your windows, do yard work, paint a room. You will feel a sense of accomplishment and something will get done while having focused on something else.

  1. Get outside

Get into the sun and feel it’s warmth. Listen to the birds, look at the green of the trees, listen to the waves, breathe deeply and pet someone’s dog. If its winter go for a brisk walk in the cold air, breathe it in, feel it on your skin. Snowshoeing, skiing, snowboarding, hiking and even tobogganing are fun winter activities that will get you focusing on something else.

  1. Get Physical

Go for a run, a bike ride, a long walk, try yoga, just pick something and get the energy moving again. If you feel a wave of sadness coming do jumping jacks, run on the spot or get the skipping rope out until it subsides.

  1. Make appointments for yourself

Go the hair salon, the nail salon, get a massage, go to the dentist. These are things that take care of you and make you feel better.

Give yourself a few weeks to be you again. This is a process and will take some time. It’s different for everyone. Just remember that you are the most important person in your life and allow yourself the time you need to heal. I promise it will get better each day.

Do you have any tips to add?

 

*Photo by Stuart Miles, from http://www.freedigitalphotos.net

 

 

Being A Girl: A Brief Personal History of Violence

Even women sometimes do not see the hurtful subtleties through-out their lives and how it will condition them. Good, kind and strong men can intervene at any time to change this.In fact, I think it is the only way that this behaviour will change. We need moms of little boys and the good-guys who are adults to teach the rest of their gender respectful conduct.

The Belle Jar

1.

I am six. My babysitter’s son, who is five but a whole head taller than me, likes to show me his penis. He does it when his mother isn’t looking. One time when I tell him not to, he holds me down and puts penis on my arm. I bite his shoulder, hard. He starts crying, pulls up his pants and runs upstairs to tell his mother that I bit him. I’m too embarrassed to tell anyone about the penis part, so they all just think I bit him for no reason.

I get in trouble first at the babysitter’s house, then later at home.

The next time the babysitter’s son tries to show me his penis, I don’t fight back because I don’t want to get in trouble.

One day I tell the babysitter what her son does, she tells me that he’s just a little boy, he doesn’t know…

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Sex Talk Alert: How to go down on a woman

Every man needs to have this skill if they are interested in bringing their lady to a higher level on the satisfaction scale.

Although, I found that this writer uses unnecessary slang vocabulary (some may consider it, somewhat, vulgar) and can easily offend if you linger too long on the words, if you can look past that, the points are descriptive and excellent. For those men that have never been quite sure what to do down there, this will help tremendously and for those women that are still trying to figure out what they like and how they like it, this will help you in directing your man to try some things. Most guys actually like being directed because it turns them on when they know they have turned you on. How simple it is to please….

http://ow.ly/AKOV7

 

Sunscreen Protection Demistified

Sunbathing

photo credit: wishymom (Stephanie Wallace Photography) via photopin cc
I have a teen that has skin as white as snow. Her goal for several summers is to get a ‘good tan’…. but knowing what I know, I can’t agree that there is such a thing. I have ran behind her, her whole life with creams and sprays trying to keep her from getting burned. But it seems every summer she gets one anyway. This year, in the spring, I told her that she would not be playing beach volleyball if she got any kind of burn….. so, she hid it from me. Turns out she couldn’t play anyway for other reasons so it sort of worked out.

She is spending time in Greece this summer…. without me. I’m not there to run after her and spray. It’s a big trip and I’m nervous about it. But I sent her off with lotions and sprays ranging from 30 to 60 SPF. I hope they are all empty by the time she gets back but somehow I bet that she will come back darker.

I had always been a little confused about sun screen (‘sun tan lotion’ in the ‘olden days’) and decided to visit a dermatologist to clear some things up and check on some moles. With sunscreen ranging from 15 to 110 SPF, how much protection are they really offering with those numbers? According to The New York Times, SPF 100 blocks out 99% of UVB rays, only 1% more than SPF 50. (SPF 30 is 96.7% effective) By the way, ‘SPF’ only indicates the protection against UVB rays, not UVA rays. So, read the label to look for ‘broad spectrum’ protection or ingredients like avobenzone or Mexoryl SX. They block out UVA rays.

Another thing to consider is the UV index from your weather channel. A UV Index of 5 and up requires your attention. Protection is necessary. Whether its the shade of a tree, an umbrella, a hat and clothes or sunscreen. There are 3 types of UV rays. A, B, and C. UVC is filtered by the ozone layer and does not reach the earth (for now). So, we’re good, considering its the most harmful. But UVB and UVA are nasty in their own right. Both contribute to skin damage, premature aging and skin cancer. UVB rays penetrate the outer layers of the skin and are the primary cause of sunburn. UVA rays penetrate more deeply into the skin, accelerate premature aging and wrinkles the most. They are prevalent in tanning salons where the devices can expose you to 5 times more UVA rays than natural sunlight. Depending on your surroundings, the UV rays can be increased by reflecting off of water, sand, snow and grass. The worst being fresh snow with almost 3 times the reflection ability of water for UVB rays.

One thing that surprised me was the frequency of reapplication necessary. Every 2-3 hours or more frequently if swimming. An adult will need about 2 tablespoons for proper coverage, applied 20 minutes before exposure. Using the proper amount is actually more important than choosing the SPF. If you use half of what you are supposed to, you will get the square root of the advertised SPF. So a 70 SPF will only give you 8.4 times protection. If you are in the sun for most of the day and using the right amount, you should finish an 88mL tube without a problem per adult. That’s going to cost more than parking…..!

Here is a rather shocking but fun video by Thomas Leveritt that shows sun damage to skin that you can’t see otherwise.

Dad’s can struggle with ‘empty nest’ syndrome too!

Facebook example

Martin’s daughter, Jane, is a tween and is heading to Europe for a month. He is a very committed father and she is his little princess. He uses Facebook to share his feelings and his friends leave comments of support that help get him past that moment of missing her.

Single dad’s that are missing their kids, express how they feel when their only child has left the ‘nest’ for an extended period of time or to start their own lives. It’s especially noticeable when there is one child. All parents know its coming. The day our kids leave to travel, go to college or move out for good and carve out a place in the world for themselves.

Marcus, a dad who’s son, Jake, went off to university last fall says “It makes me feel so very proud and a little sad.” When your child leaves, the rhythm of our daily routine gets shaken up. We have gotten so used to providing, protecting and guiding that it just seems so odd not to have to do that every day anymore. It was heart-warming to hear Marcus describe how he is missing his son who has gone off to college. The distance is within a 2 hour drive, so in a pinch, he can go to visit. But the lack of the day to day interaction is really felt. The good thing said Marcus, is that before Jake left, he was spending more time with his girlfriend, so it was easing him into it in a way.

Then he found that making plans to see each other at sport competitions that Jake was involved in helped. They sometimes plan to meet half way to grab a bite to eat and might go fishing later in the summer. Marcus says “I enjoy my time with him, have fun while he is away, and look forward to the next get together.”

In the meantime, he keeps busy with work, playing volleyball with friends and chores. But the bottom line is that he is very proud and is enjoying seeing him grow and mature, even with the empty or ‘something is missing’ feeling.

Have you felt that way? What did you do to make it easier?